Planning a funeral can be a challenging and emotional task. We have to manage our own grief, often while supporting our loved ones and making logistical preparations that we may or may not have ever done before. First and foremost, it’s so important to take care of yourself. The old adage is so true. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Get the rest you need and take time to process your own grief. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are many pieces that you can delegate to friends and family. Not only will it help take away some of the burden on you, it will also be therapeutic for your friends and family to be a small part of your loved one’s tribute.
We’ve gathered some of our best tips to help you through the funeral planning process.
Notify relevant people
Inform immediate family members, close friends, and anyone else who needs to be notified about the passing of your loved one. You may also want to consider placing an obituary in local newspapers or online platforms.
Choose a funeral home
Research and select a funeral home that aligns with your needs and budget. They can assist you with various aspects of the funeral arrangements, including the burial or cremation, obtaining necessary permits, and coordinating with other service providers.
There are affordable resources available to help you select the best funeral home for your loved one. DFS Memorials is one resource that can help. DFS Memorials, believes that every family should be able to choose a simple, end-of-life funeral option that’s dignified, affordable, and professionally handled. They are a network of local, licensed funeral homes, cremation providers, and direct disposal establishments who offer lower cost death care alternatives.
In searching their database for Washington, I noticed several funeral homes I’ve worked with listed. One in particular was Brookside Funeral Home in Moxee, WA. Knowing personally the high level of professionalism and compassionate service Jamin Mohler and his staff provide, I felt really confident about the quality of service offered by the funeral homes that participate with DFS Memorials.
Determine the type of service
Decide whether you want a traditional funeral service, a memorial service, a celebration of life, or a combination of these options. Consider the wishes and beliefs of the deceased and consult with family members to make an informed decision.
It’s worth noting that the importance of having a religious component included in the funeral of a loved one has become less important to families each year while the number of people that have said a religious component was not at all important has risen steadily. One emerging service that has come about as a result of this change is the role of a celebrant. Many families are opting for using a celebrant, someone who specializes exclusively in certain events such as funerals or end of life celebrations. There are several celebrant databases online to help you find a celebrant if you’re interested in using one.
Establish a Budget
Funeral expenses can add up quickly, so it's important to establish a budget and keep track of costs. Discuss your financial limitations with the funeral home director and explore different options to ensure you stay within your means.
It’s also helpful to know the regulations around the funeral industry and your rights as a consumer. The Federal Trade Commission is the nation’s consumer protection agency. Under the FTC’s Funeral Rule, consumers have the right to get a general price list from a funeral provider when they ask about funeral arrangements. They also have the right to choose the funeral goods and services they want (with some exceptions), and funeral providers must state this right on the general price list. This can be helpful to know when creating a budget.
Arrange the logistics
Work with the funeral home to schedule the date, time, and location for the funeral service. Coordinate with clergy members, if applicable, and arrange transportation for the body (if needed) and mourners.
Personalize the service
Consider personalizing the funeral to reflect the life and interests of your loved one. You can display photographs, play their favorite music, or include special readings or poems that were meaningful to them.
Take time to consider your loved one’s eulogy. A eulogy is typically read at a funeral or memorial service to honor the life of the person who has died and to provide comfort to their family and friends. Eulogies can be written by family members or friends but there are also eulogy writing services that can do this for you to alleviate the stress of having to prepare a speech during an already stressful time. Our team here at Lasting Eulogies offers custom written eulogies for you that are both affordable and delivered fast.
Create an order of service
Collaborate with the funeral home and any officiants involved to create an order of service. This typically includes details like readings, prayers, musical selections, eulogies, and any other elements you wish to include. Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family members to participate in different aspects of the service, such as delivering a reading or even playing an instrument or leading a prayer. This is not only helpful to the planning and logistics, but also therapeutic for friends and family who are also grieving.
Consider cultural and religious customs
If there are specific cultural or religious customs that need to be followed, inform the funeral home and ensure they are appropriately incorporated into the service.
Delegate responsibilities
Planning a funeral can be overwhelming, so don't hesitate to ask for help from family members and close friends. Delegate tasks such as organizing floral arrangements, coordinating any gatherings after the funeral, arranging for catering, or collecting photos to create a collage display, etc. Assigning tasks to others will help you in your own grief process giving you time to reflect and grieve as well as help someone else in theirs, as a contributor to part of the ceremony honoring someone they love.
Provide support for attendees
Consider providing a support system for attendees by offering grief counseling resources or providing a space for people to share memories or messages of condolences. This can be as simple or as comprehensive as you’d like. Many families opt to have some kind of gathering after the funeral and burial. A place for people to gather and talk about their loved one and the memories and emotions they have, creates a space for healing to begin.
Try to remember that this is often an incredibly stressful and challenging time. Give yourself grace. Try to carve out time for yourself to process your own feelings as you support others. Try to also remember that everyone grieves differently, so be patient with yourself and others during this difficult time. The funeral preparation and ceremony is important, but it’s just part of your journey in processing the loss of your loved one.
Darcey Peterson, is a professional writer and speechwriter and the owner of Lasting Eulogies. Originally from New York, she has written PR as well as speeches for politicians, CEO’s, organizational leaders, college professors and many others in a variety of professions. She currently lives in the beautiful Puget Sound with her family.