Why I Write Eulogies
I wanted to start this gig by sharing my why. Why am I starting this business? There’s really not one single answer. It feels like the merging of so many parts of me and my life. Interestingly, when I finished my degree this past year, I was required to take the Gallup CliftonStrengths Assessment. Basically the assessment measures themes of talent. The greater the presence of a particular theme within a person, the more likely that person is to exhibit those talents in day to day life. When I look over my unique strengths the assessment revealed, this business made so much sense to me.
Connectedness - Intellection - Empathy - Positivity - Restorative
Lasting Eulogies was born out of my passion for connecting and writing and making a difference in the world. An entrepreneur for over a decade, I took a leap of faith in the second half of my life. I went back to college at 48 years old, graduated, and made the decision to pursue writing fulltime.
The idea for this specific business bloomed out of a problem one of my friends was having a long time ago. She had recently lost her dad and she asked if I could help write his eulogy.
I barely knew her dad and thought to myself, how can I write something sincere and genuine about someone I don't really know?
I lost both of my parents and keenly remembered the pain and the whirlwind of the planning and the memory board making and the readings and so many other details and arrangements. I was grieving and getting very little sleep. I could barely put two sentences together let alone write a coherent eulogy that truly captured my parents' lives.
So you know what? I did what any one of us might do for a friend.
I said, "yes" without hesitation.
And guess what?
I did it.
And guess what else?
I loved doing it.
I realized during the process what a gift it was to have the honor of helping another person capture the memories of someone they loved. It was unbelievably fulfilling for me professionally; and for me personally? It felt like I was finally embracing one of my own unique gifts in writing and giving something of myself back to the world.
It’s such a privilege to be a part of honoring another person's life and capturing one last message through the memories of their loved ones.
One of my favorite quotes by Robin Williams is this.
"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world." —Robin Williams
When I first decided to pursue this as a career, my inner critic was loud. Thoughts came to mind like, what will people think? Will people think it’s weird or morbid to want to fill your days writing about people who have died?
These thoughts still persist from time to time but I’m always pulled back to that quote by Robin Williams.
The Death of My Own Mom
Before my own mom died, we were driving in my car on a hot June day. The topic of death came up. Anyone who knows her, knows this was a taboo subject with her. She had terminal cancer but she chose to forgo the news of her prognosis. I remember she lived her whole life terrified of dying; so much so that I was also terrifed for her. On this particular drive her eyes pooled with tears as we talked, though as usual, not a single tear escaped and found it’s way down her cheek.
“What will people say about me when I’m gone?” she asked looking straight ahead.
It felt like in that moment, she finally found the words to capture the terror she built so much of her life upon.
Up until that point I think I had probably been her biggest critic. I knew her flaws better than I knew my own. In fact in years to come, I realized that focusing on her and her flaws gave me the perfect distraction from my own.
Tearfully I said, “Mom. People will say that you are one of the strongest women they have ever known. That I have ever known. You raised 8 children in poverty and somehow put 7 of us through Catholic School. At a time in history when women weren’t even able to hold their own mortgages without a husband, you somehow found a way to own your own home, all by yourself. You cared for Mary for 56 years after her brain injury, teaching her how to walk and talk and feed herself all over again. I may not have agreed with all of your decisions but I am so grateful you gave me your strength and your determination. And, though I hate to admit it, your stubborness.”
6 years after she died that strength and determination and stubborness I learned from her, changed my life. It pushed me through a painful divorce. It sent me out into the world to achieve childhood dreams. It drove me across the finish line of a marathon. It has compelled me to use my passion and my talent to pursue this business.
Everyone; every single one of us, deserves someone to shine a light on our goodness.
I am forever grateful to my mom for teaching me this lesson, and so many more.