Lasting Eulogies

Good afternoon. My name is Joseph and I’m here today to share with you on behalf of David’s husband, partner and soulmate, Michael Damian Stevenson.

So in the voice of Michael, let me begin.

Pause.

It’s always best to start a love story at the beginning and ours is no different. I first met David in 1993 in Sacramento, CA. My mom had put me on a bus from Oklahoma to live with my sister in California. Circumstances were such that David also had been relocated to California from Missouri.

Yep you heard that right. Two young midwestern boys somehow both found themselves in the middle of sunny California.

It was on a Saturday night in 1993, at the fine establishment known as Denny’s, that these two Midwestern boys would cross paths and end up spending the next 30 years together.

It didn’t take long that first night, for us to recognize all that we had in common. We spent hours that first evening talking. We had both grown up in a religious atmosphere of fundamentalism. We were both in the funeral industry.

Our personalities could be different and that was also apparent from the start. Let’s just say that David did not sugar coat things. (pause)

“I think I’d like to date you”, he very directly said to me.

Mouth wide open, I somehow found the words to reply, “I would be honored.”

And the rest is history, as they say. But wow; what a history I’ve had the privilege of sharing with this man.

From traveling to places like St Croix and Las Vegas to watching our favorite movie of all time, The Birdcage. I think we watched that movie together at least 30 times. It may or may not have been an ongoing joke that he was Nathan Lane and I was Robin Williams. For those of you who haven’t seen it you should really go home and watch it…

I shared so many firsts with David; from taking me to see the ocean for the first time in Monterey, to taking me to Disneyland and to the Grand Canyon.

He always wanted to see me happy. (pause)

He has been such a gift and such a light to me personally and to this world.

In fact, many of you today may be wearing a scarf or some other piece of David’s handiwork. David loved to create and he had such a generous spirit. Crocheting scarves and afghans was one of his favorite activities, but it was really so much more than that. Often when he started, he’d have no idea who his creation would be for. He would always say a prayer over his work and somewhere in the creative process, it would come to him, exactly who needed this special gift.

As you wear your scarf today, know that it was truly a blessing given to you from David.

It shouldn’t be a surprise he turned his crocheting hobby into a ministry. David was deeply spiritual and spent a great deal of time in ministry throughout his life. He was a loving and caring minister for 17 years. It’s been said that he left his churches much larger than he found them. He was uplifting. He believed that people should never come away from church feeling beat up. He believed that people should come away from church feeling uplifted.

David is in fact what brought me here to this community. Although it could be said that I came kicking and screaming my first time….

But I have to say, it only took me a week to recognize this place as home. The love and support I’ve received and continue to receive from this community is priceless. I cherish you all.

What a gift David has left me in his absence.

As a funeral professional I get to hear lots of eulogies. From time to time I’ve found myself wondering, could everyone really be as saintly as they are so often remembered?

We’re all human beings and with that comes the capacity for shortcomings and at times hurt and pain.

And so too it was with David.

But when we love another person and we are able to listen closely through the static of what is the human condition- we can hear the music of who they truly are.

And what beautiful music David Stevenson made.

Even in struggle, if you saw it through to the other side, you were the winner. You couldn’t find a better friend or a better love.

David was intuitive and kind. Generous and thoughtful. He would give you the shirt off his back. He had a way of talking to people. He never met a stranger. He was sweet; hence my nickname for him which was, “Sweetness”. He was funny; very funny. He could have you in stitches at times. He once told me he really thought he could have been a comedian. And another time he told me he could have been a Broadway dancer. Maybe a beautician? He loved hair and makeup.

The truth is David was good at so many things. I loved his spirit and that he dared to dream.

Even in his final days, when he could have chosen anger or fear, David chose gratitude. The best example of this can be seen in his relationship with his grandson, Avery.

Upon sharing his diagnosis with his daughter Shellie, Avery, who had been wobbly and only learning to walk, looked at his Papa across the room and walked for the first time, directly to him.

“I’m really very lucky,” he told me afterward. “I was here for Avery’s birth. I got to see him walk for the very first time.”

Gratitude.

David left this world in much of the same way we lived our life together. I joked with him that I had done everything possible to be sure he made it to heaven. I covered all my bases. We had an anointing and we prayed the Our Father. A rabbi was in the building. A prayer chaplain visited.

David left this world for the next, living and dying within a value he held deeply; interfaith.

(Pause)

“I think I’d like to date you.” He very directly said.

“I would be honored,” I replied.

Thank you David, for sharing the past 30 years with me. Since the very beginning, it has been, and always will be, an honor (my Sweetness). I love you and I miss you.

Hi everyone. I’m Kimberly and I’m Ed’s daughter.

When I think of my dad, so many thoughts come to mind. One that sticks out most, was in a recent conversation I had with my brother Josh, when we were talking about him.

If you knew our dad, I’m pretty certain you knew this to be true too. Our dad was a simple man. He didn’t live his life “big”. In fact, the last part of his life and the first part of his life look nothing alike. To me, that’s such a testament to what life is really all about. We live. We learn. We grow.

A boy, the oldest of 10, who spent 7 years in the Air Force and returned home to his mom a man, a staff sergeant honored with 6 medals. The man who also wore the title of “big brother” to 9 others, as he took on the role of helping his mom with all his younger siblings….

Duane, David, Mike, Danny, Teddy, Delores, Eleanor, Tommy, And Rosie.

Known in his younger years by his buddies as “the last of the 50’s Greasers” (yes this is true. He used to play the spoons as an instrument and I have a set of spoons somewhere engraved with his nickname, (air quote) “The Fonz” TRUE STORY

The guy I remember as a kid, who used to love jamborees and who I may or may not have been known to watch episodes of Hee Haw with.

This; is in contrast to the dad I have come to know, love and appreciate as a grown woman. The dad that beamed with pride when I would tell him about one of Evan or Emersyn’s big achievements. Or who would melt at my husband John’s and my daughter Makayla’s, big beautiful smile. And Nicky and her twins? Those little babies brought him so much joy. Dad loved his faithful sidekick Josh, his youngest son, who partnered with him to everything from the lake, to baseball games to, yes, the WWE.

He worked many years at Thatcher Glass but later in life, I believe he found his true calling, as a corrections officer. It was in his job in corrections that so many of his inner strengths came to life and grew. It was there that he really made a difference. His compassion and kindness showed up in the simplest of ways, like listening, or giving someone a second chance. He had the rare ability at times to see goodness even in a prison inmate. If you looked inside what some misperceived as a “mean face”, you would see a tender heart. A guy willing to help; from a listening ear to giving you money if you needed it.

Yep. Life slowed down for my dad and it was in that slower speed I learned to appreciate him and his simplicity. Life came full circle.

There is a Lynard Skynard song that comes to my mind now when I think of him…

“Oh take your time, don’t live too fast. Troubles will come and they will pass. You’ll find a woman and you’ll find love. And don’t forget, son, there is someone up above.”

It’s been in the last 3 years with his wife, Sheila, that he has been able to achieve official, “Snow bird status” and travel to Florida winters. He has spent this last part of his life getting to enjoy so many things he loved with a woman he loved; like camping and campfires, and sunshine. He loved baseball, most especially the Pioneers, and he made sure to catch a couple games when he was back here in NY…. Oh, and I can’t forget to say, he remained a true and loyal Red Sox fan in a family filled with Yankees, to the very end.

There are so many stories I could tell about my dad. I think in closing, the one closest to my heart happened just days ago. We were sitting together alone and I said, “Dad. Thank you for making me a stronger person.”

(Yes, I said this, even in spite of him always calling me his sensitive one. “There’s my cry baby.” He would say)

After I thanked him for making me a stronger person he very seriously said, “I taught you how to take care of yourself, didn’t I?”

I said, “Yes you did, dad. Thank you for always loving me unconditionally.”

For me, it was in that moment that I realized we had come full circle, he and I.

(Pause)

“Oh take your time, don’t live too fast. Troubles will come and they will pass. You’ll find a woman and you’ll find love. And don’t forget, son, there is someone up above.”

I love you dad.

If you knew our mom, then you probably know what an avid reader she was. Mom loved her books. Knowing this, my brothers and sisters and I thought it would be fitting to share with you, The Book of Norma.

From Norma Smith To Mrs John Carter To Just Norma……

Chapter 1: Norma Smith

Our mom was born the youngest of three, here in Spokane. Her parents were kind and loving, just like she was. Her dad worked hard to make ends meet, sometimes working 3 or 4 jobs at times. His passion was his flower garden and our mom loved to watch him care for it as a little girl.

At just 10 years old she came down with scarlet fever and missed a great deal of school. This had a cumulative effect on her education, keeping her constantly working hard to keep up with her grade level. Her hard work and determination paid off and she was able to graduate from high school on time and with her classmates.

After high school she was hired at General Electric where she met our dad, John.

Chapter 2: Enter John Carter

Mom and dad met and fell in love while working together at GE, her as a secretary and him as a salesman. While mom was all in, her parents weren’t as convinced this was a good fit. (pause laughter)

You see, mom was 20 and dad was 30. And on top of that, mom was Methodist and dad was Catholic. To say this proved to be initially problematic, would be an understatement. In fact, after my dad proposed, my mom’s parents just happened to plan an impromptu road trip with her to California.

Why you ask?

Well to give her an opportunity to see if she might like to rekindle an old flame with a past boyfriend before committing to marrying our dad!

Epic fail, by the way. (pause laughter)

They arrived only to find the past flame engaged and mom’s intentions unchanged regardless.

Mom and dad married in 1955 and remained happily married for 56 years.

My brother Greg likes to say that our dad’s first sales experience was in winning our mom’s heart.

Chapter 3: Mom

This is perhaps my favorite part of this book. By 1956 the newlyweds started their family. Mom left her job to be home with us and raise us.

Let me elaborate; by us I mean……

Brian, Barb, Steve, Greg, Ann, me, Patty and John.

Whew, I’m tired just saying all those names!

Not mom, though. She made loving us and caring for us look effortless. (Pause)

We were so lucky to have a mom that made this all look so easy. She let us be kids but she also provided discipline when it was needed. She would somehow manage to have full 4 course dinners on the table every night and have fun with us while doing it! Although I have to admit, secretly my favorite dinners were the ones when our dad was traveling and the menu changed a bit…. to pizza and tater tots, and if we were really lucky, McDonalds!

My brother John remembers with awe what a great manager she was to pull this all off. She managed all 8 of us kids, herself, the bills and my dad too!

A favorite family story was the time our dad came home and told mom that he gave away our only TV to the priest at church. It’s said to have gone something like this…

“You did what? I’m raising 8 kids and managing all our bills and food and you gave away our only entertainment????”

To which dad replied, “It’s okay I’ll just win us another.” (pause laughter)

It was true, being a salesman for GE, and a really good one at that, dad always managed to win our family really nice appliances.

As you can probably imagine with 8 kids, there are so many stories I could share. One of my sister Patty’s favorite memories was going to the drive-in with mom to watch The Sound of Music.

My sister Barb recalls cooking and baking with mom.

One of my brother Steve’s favorites was the time he climbed into a storm drain at 4 years old. Yes you heard that correctly; Steve, 4 years old, and in a storm drain! The only thing that kept him alive was that his head didn’t fit, so thankfully he could be rescued. We remember well, mom calling the city and demanding that a grate be put over all the storm drains in our neighborhood!

There are memories of trips my parents would take to all sorts of beautiful places through my dad’s work. One in particular resulted in a German woman babysitting all of us. We were not fans. Let’s just say we made sure she never returned! (pause laughter)

One mom moment I will always hold close to my heart was when I was 14 or 15. I didn’t drive yet but I wanted so badly to go to a game 90 minutes away. I have no idea how she found the time but she somehow broke away and drove me to that game. I stood with my friends having fun while she sat quietly in the stands, patiently waiting for me.

Mom had this way about her that was so comforting without ever having to physically even touch you. It was this combination of her kindness and her calmness. It was the softness of her voice. She could always make you feel safe.

Well, with the only exception possibly being on the rare occasion that you had done something so bad, you happened to be being chased by her with the wooden spoon! (pause laughter)

It was on those days that a visit to Jean Lamb was in order. Jean was our next door neighbor and our mom’s good friend. She was from Arkansas and she had a thick southern accent. Sometimes if we peeked out the window we could see them sitting out back with their wine or their coffee and we could hear their laughter. My brother Steve often recalls how mom would come back from Jean’s house with a southern accent for the rest of the evening!

As fate would have it, mom and Jean would cross paths again much later in life sharing a home together at an assisted living facility until mom’s death. More on this to come.

I also remember mom and dad met monthly with 4 other couples in a pinochle card group. As kids we looked forward to the month it was held at our house as much as our parents. There was so much laughter and fun on those nights. It was out of this group that mom developed a special friendship with Bernice Baker. The two quickly became more like family than friends. Mom would travel to Hawaii to visit Bernice and vice versa. It was a very treasured relationship.

So mom stayed home with us until we were all in school, and it was then that she ventured back out into the world of work. When I was 15 she started working at the Old National Bank processing checks. She took great pride in her responsibilities there. She also exercised a great deal of patience with my constant calls to her asking questions on how to prepare dinner!

Later, she and her sister in law, Gerrie started a house cleaning business. The two did that for many years until retiring. I remember how much mom loved all her sisters in law. She loved getting together with the whole Schlosser family and so did we as cousins.

Chapter 4: The Golden Years of Sequim and Crab Acres

Our parents loved Sequim and often traveled there with their motor home until eventually moving there after retirement in 1992. It was so heartwarming to see them during this time period. It was perhaps the best time of their life together. Our dad became a different person from being retired and living there.

It was also the time Norma started to emerge. From daughter to wife to mother to Norma. During this time our mom really became her own person. She was president of a woman’s investment group she and some other women started. She was responsible for making the group’s investments. She developed a network of friends. She and our dad were a part of a local hiking group there. They walked together or hiked together every single day. Life was good.

All of us kids and our families; including 25 grandchildren and 17 great grandchildren, remember so fondly the times we spent visiting them on what we named, “Crab Acres”. It was there all the kids would go clamming and crabbing with Grandpa, getting their hands dirty in every step of the process. We’d bring our catch home to mom and she would happily cook up everything we caught.

It was in 2007 that our dad’s dementia required that they move back to Spokane. Mom cared for him as long as she could. I remember she kept a notebook of what they would do each day, so when he would ask her, something he did more and more as the disease progressed, she would lovingly remind him to look in his notebook.

One of the most bittersweet memories comes to mind in her care of dad. She would start their evening routine by putting dad’s eyedrops in his eyes and his lotion on his head. He would often look at her and say, “You know you're really nice for taking care of me but I really want my wife back.”

Chapter 5: Kim’s Cottage

After our dad died in 2011, mom slowly required more assistance as time went on. She lived at different times with my sister Barb and with me until she made the choice to move into an assisted living facility. She chose Kim’s Cottage, which happened to be run by my good friend Kim. She was quite proud to be the first resident ever to move in with her own car! I mean it was after all, the perfect way to get to Curves. Curves; being the gym she joined in her 80’s!

Bittersweet as it also was, mom was reunited at Kim’s Cottage with her good friend Jean Lamb, her past partner in wine and her past support while in the nitty gritty of motherhood and 8 children.

Together they continued to take care of each other over the occasional glass of wine and lots of laughter. It was such a comfort to both our family and the Lamberson family that they could be together. The staff at the facility share many stories of the fun they would have. Mom’s sense of humor really bloomed. In fact, she has been credited with some very funny one-liners that I probably shouldn’t repeat right now! (pause laughter)

Epilogue: Norma

Perhaps the best evidence of a life well lived lies in the richness of our stories; the manner and the grace with which we greet each new chapter of life, each new hat we put on and then take off and then put on again.

Our mom wore all her hats so well and with such grace. Whether titled Norma Smith or Mrs. John Carter or in the role of daughter, or wife, or caregiver, or mother, or grandmother, or friend… one thing remained and that was the heart of Norma.

Norma, who never sweat the small stuff.

Who is remembered by all who knew her for her kindness and her warmth.

Who showed her love in her countless acts of service.

Who set an example for all of us on how to be a caring and loving person, regardless of the role we happen to be in.

Thank you, mom. Thank you for making loving us and taking care of us look so easy. I know I speak for all of us when I say that we are so grateful to have had you as our mom.

We love you and we miss you.

Good afternoon. My name is Susan and the man you all know as Steve, I have been lucky enough to call dad.

If you knew my dad, you knew that he was quite the storyteller in life. In fact, sometimes he would start to tell me a story and during a pause I would remind him that he had already told me the story. No matter. He’d reply, “Well; it's good enough to hear again!” and just continue on.

It’s an honor to get to stand here today and tell you the story of my dad and me.

My dad was born in Illinois on a farm and eventually moved to Missouri. He was child number 10 of 11 kids. His early life was hard; very hard. But true to his character, he persevered.

Even at a young age my dad held a special sensitivity and reverence for both human life and death. I remember him telling me that when the animals on the farm would die, he would always be sure to give them a proper burial.

When he was 18 years old he went into the Air Force. Much to his dismay he didn’t learn to drive until then. This fact made him determined that I would learn earlier in life than he had been able to. This also very much explains the late nights at the cemetery when he would lock up and proceed to teach me to drive. (Pause) When I was 12!

He always wanted more for me. He always wanted better for me.

During his time in the Air Force he traveled to Korea and he was stationed in Arizona. From Arizona he headed to Minnesota where he attended the seminary. He was quite the traveling man! It was in Minnesota that he met my mom. The three of us continued several more moves until we finally settled in Sacramento, CA where I grew up.

One quality I most remember about my dad was his strong work ethic. He was never without a job. He was smart and savvy with his career choices. He would do whatever it took to be sure the people he cared about were taken care of.

When I was 6 years old he found the funeral industry. There were times that his job required him to travel when I was really young. We had lots of traditions in my childhood but one in particular was him reading to me every night at bedtime. Traveling put a wrench in that routine. But true to my dad, he found a way around it. He would simply record the story that he would have read to me in person, on a cassette tape.

The real fun began when I was old enough to actually travel with him. I have so many fun memories. I remember so fondly all the laughter we shared. As an example, let’s just say my first time ever in a dance club was with my dad in New Orleans!

He was the kind of dad every girl should get to experience. He played Barbies with me. And what a tease he would be, I might add. We would have pageants with our barbies and he would show no mercy. He would always win, of course!

There are just so many memories.

In grade school we had breakfast dates once a week, every single week, before school. Later on as I got older, we’d continue our weekly dates doing all kinds of things. It was something I always looked forward to.

I’m not totally sure who was more excited when it was time to go to prom in high school. My dad would always enthusiastically go with me to help me pick out my dress. He would be sure to make all the necessary hair, makeup and nail appointments for me. I do have a slight suspicion that he secretly wished I would enter pageants but he happily settled instead for proms!

He was so thoughtful. On trips together I’d tell him I wanted to go out for sushi and that I’d meet up with him later. I was perfectly happy to go get sushi solo. I knew he and Charley weren’t big fans. Nope; not happening. He would insist on coming so I didn’t eat alone and he’d sit and talk with me and just get a soda for himself.

Visits to his home always meant leaving with more than you came with. “I have extra tissues, do you need any? Here take some. What about clips for your chips? Take some.” I think he would give you the shirt off his back.

I really don’t believe I had a bigger fan than I had in my dad. At times he would brag about me so much so that I would apologize to whomever his latest captive audience happened to be. He was so passionate and so loyal. He would defend the people he loved to the very end.

Life came full circle the past decade when my mom got sick and my dad and Charley helped to care for her. What a gift it was to get to spend holidays with all four of us in the years before she died; my dad, my mom, Charley and me.

Which brings me to Joey. Enter Joey.

I remember at Christmas telling my dad that I had made the decision to pursue having a baby as a single person. As always he was supportive but I think the conversation went something like this:

“Are you sure you know how hard this will be?”

“What? Really?” I replied.

“You mean I don’t just water it and it’ll grow?”

(Pause)

I may have inherited some of my humor from my dad!

Joey was truly the apple of my dad’s eye. “Papa. Papa” he would say on our weekly visits. It was such a blessing and so beautiful to watch him with Joey.

(Pause)

There are so many additional memories I could share with you. My dad's spirit is surely coming through with all this storytelling.

I hope the few stories I selected to share this afternoon capture my dad and who he was through the lens of a little girl and now grown woman, who misses her dad more than words can say.

I love you dad. Thank you for always making me feel so special and so very loved.